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Five Questions You Should Ask Your Partner Before Having Kids

By: Ready Nest Intern, Kaci Metzger

Whether you’ve been together for a while or you’ve just started a new relationship, the “kids conversation” will likely come up for you and your partner. We get it, bringing a child into the world is a significant life decision that requires careful consideration and planning. It's not only about your readiness as an individual, but also about the readiness of your relationship. Parenthood is a shared journey that can have a profound impact on your partnership. Asking the right questions can help ensure you’re both on the same page, ready to embark on this transformative adventure together.

There are crucial conversations you and your partner should have before taking the plunge into parenthood. Here are five important questions to ask before embarking on the incredible journey of having kids.

1. Why Do We Want to Have Kids?

Understanding the motivations behind wanting to have children is fundamental. It's essential to be on the same page about your reasons for becoming parents. Some couples may feel a strong desire to nurture and raise a child, while others might feel societal pressure or an expectation to follow a certain life script. Having an open and honest conversation about your motivations can help align your expectations and ensure that both partners genuinely want to take on the responsibilities of parenthood.

Be prepared to discuss your emotional, psychological, and practical reasons for having kids. Are you seeking companionship, wanting to pass on your values and traditions, or hoping to experience the joys of parenting? Are you prepared for the sacrifices and challenges that come with raising a child? These questions can lead to meaningful discussions that shed light on your shared goals and desires.

2. How Will Our Roles and Responsibilities Change?

Parenthood often brings a significant shift in roles and responsibilities within a relationship. It's crucial to discuss how you envision these changes and how you'll adapt to them. Who will take on what tasks related to childcare, household chores, and work responsibilities? Will one partner temporarily reduce their working hours or become a stay-at-home parent? How will you ensure that both partners continue to pursue their individual passions and maintain a sense of


Having an open conversation about these changes can help prevent misunderstandings and resentment down the road. Clear communication and a shared plan for handling responsibilities can help create a more balanced and harmonious environment for both partners and the child.

3. How Will We Handle Finances?

Raising a child comes with significant financial responsibilities. From prenatal care and childbirth to education, healthcare, and everyday expenses, the costs can add up quickly. It's important to have a candid discussion about your financial situation, budgeting, and how you'll handle these new expenses.

Consider questions such as: How will having a child impact our current financial goals and aspirations? Are we financially stable enough to provide for a child's needs? Will one partner's income be significantly reduced due to parental leave? Are there any adjustments we need to make to our spending habits and savings strategies?

Planning ahead can help alleviate financial stress and ensure that you're both prepared for the economic implications of raising a child.

4. What Are Our Parenting Styles and Values?

Each person brings their own upbringing and beliefs about parenting to the table. It's important to discuss your parenting styles and values to ensure that you're on the same page when it comes to disciplining, educating, and nurturing your child.

Questions to consider include: How do we want to discipline our child? What are our views on education and extracurricular activities? How will we balance providing structure with allowing for personal growth and autonomy? What values do we want to instill in our child, and how will we go about it?

Having these conversations in advance can prevent conflicts and disagreements about parenting approaches that might arise later. Finding common ground and establishing a united front will create a more stable and supportive environment for your child.

5. How Will We Maintain Our Relationship?

Parenthood can be all-consuming, and the focus on raising a child might unintentionally shift attention away from the relationship between partners. It's vital to discuss how you'll continue to nurture your romantic relationship amidst the demands of parenting.

Consider questions like: How will we make time for each other as a couple? What strategies can we implement to keep the spark alive? Are we comfortable asking for help from family, friends, or babysitters to have occasional date nights or alone time?

Maintaining a strong partnership is not only beneficial for the two of you but also provides a stable and loving environment for your child to grow up in.

Deciding to have children is a monumental step that involves both excitement and responsibility. Open and honest communication with your partner is key to ensuring that you're both fully prepared for the journey of parenthood. The five questions discussed—why you want children, how your roles will change, financial planning, parenting styles, and relationship maintenance—can serve as a foundation for these conversations.

Remember, there are no one-size-fits-all answers. The important thing is to have these discussions, listen to each other's perspectives, and work together to create a plan that aligns with both your individual desires and your shared vision for your family's future. By asking these questions and addressing potential challenges in advance, you're setting yourselves up for a more fulfilling and harmonious parenting experience.


If you find yourself in need of professional help, don't hesitate to reach out to us and schedule a session. Our dedicated team at Ready Nest Counseling is here to help you navigate life's challenges and transitions with care and compassion. Whether you're experiencing difficulties related to conception, pregnancy, postpartum, infertility, loss, parenting, or relationships our therapists are ready to support you. We offer both in-person and virtual therapy. Schedule a therapy session with us today and take the first step towards a healthier you. Ready Nest Counseling also offers support groups for new moms and those who have experienced pregnancy loss. Remember, you don't have to face it alone – we're here for you.


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